I Hate How Much I Love You
by xxXAngel of InsanityXxx
Summary: Wes didn't know why he felt the need to make Kurt miserable, maybe it was because he held feelings for the younger boy, feelings he was sure would not be returned.


Just a one shot I had to do. I always loved Wert. Was it just me, or was he totally giving Kurt flirty eyes during Somewhere Only We Know. Maybe it's just cuz I have a thing for Asians.

AU: Kurt never attended McKinley, he came from some other place so his past with the ND have no part in this.

Wes didn't know why he felt the need to make Kurt miserable. Maybe it was the fact that he seemed so haughty and superior, or the way he was so open with his thoughts, or the fact that he transferred mid year and was stuffed into his room since there were no other vacancies but these were just excuses he told himself. He knew deep down inside, it was because he held feelings for the younger boy, feelings he was sure would not be returned.

It caused him to put down the boy at every chance he got, shooting down his ideas, politely insulting him, and spreading viscious rumors about him.

It soon got to the point where Kurt never talked to anyone and the rumors prevented anyone from talking to him. At least nobody else would go after him.

GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE

Kurt sat on the edge of his bed in his room writing in his journal when Wes walked in, taking off his blazer and tie. The two almost never interacted with each other outside of their shared room, and inside was no different. Kurt stiffened a little though, afraid of the him.

Wes looked at the boy from the corner of his eyes, wondering what was written in the journal. Probably some stupid shit about how horrible his life was. He noticed the way Kurt was relaxed, a small calm expression on his face opposed the blank one he always wore. It irritated him to no end.

He put away his blazer and tie, slamming the drawer with more force than needed, smirking slightly when Kurt flinched slightly. Finally, he stopped writing, placing the journal in the drawer next to his bed, and got up to use the bathroom, leaving Wes alone. Wrong move.

Wes quickly dove for the small book, eager to learn the boy's secrets. He started of the first entry.

_Sometimes I wonder if he'll try anything again. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still feel the way his hands grabbed me, his breath against my neck. It scares me, I don't even want to go to sleep anymore. I can barely pay attention to anything anymore, I can only feel his eyes on me. I'd say I was scared, but that's an understatement. I don't want to tell anyone, they'll say it was my fault, that I was just the faggy boy who wanted it. I refuse to let it get to me._

Wes moved on to the next entry, which was dated about a month later.

_He actually went farther. A month ago I was complaining about having my first kiss stolen. I would give anything to have it just be a kiss now. He raped me. I feel dirty and used. I hate him so much. My dad tells me I need to eat more, but you wouldn't be able to eat either when all you can taste is the feeling of a cock being shoved down your throat. _

Wes gaped at the page, wondering how Kurt could have written down everything so bluntly, without emotion. He felt sick to his stomach as he read on about how the abuse escalated, reaching to the point where he had to transfer. He skipped a few entries until he spotted his name.

_Wes. The only reason that I don't like it here. He continues to do small things like rumors and constantly putting me down, but it's nothing to big. I can handle it. I wonder why he dislikes me so much. He can't be homophobic, he's friends with Blaine. Did I do something wrong?_

He was miffed that the small entry was all Kurt had written about him, but continued to scan through the pages. The next few entries seemed to just be his thoughts about life.

_I honestly don't get why there's so much homophobia and just hatred. Honsetly, people are always going on and on about how being gay is a sin, but it's just people who are attracted to each other. Gender is just another pointless label like being gay or straight. _

_I wonder why people believe in things like Heaven and God and other shit like that. They keep saying that believing in him will bring good things to you. Yeah right. My mom dying on my birthday was supposed to be a good thing? All those bible thumping people can kiss my sparkly ass._

Kurt's mom was dead. The new information hit Wes like a ton of bricks. He suddenly remembered how cold Kurt had looked when Wes had asked him if his mother had raised him in a barn. The boy had remained silent, but Wes had seen the tears leak from his eyes. At the time, he had simply thought Kurt was a stupid spoiled brat who couldn't take an insult. Now he felt extremely guilty. He finally found another entry concerning him.

_I always thought bullying had to be physical and direct. Wes has shown me otherwise. Well, I fucking give up. He wins. Was this his goal? To isolate me from the enitre student body? Sometimes I wish I was back at my old school. No wait, I take that back, the abuse there was physical. At least he isn't fucking raping me. I hate him. I hate how much he hates me. I hate how much I-_

The journal was snatched up by Kurt, whose eyes were narrowed in anger. He scanned the page, seeing what entry Wes was reading. Without so much as looking at the shocked boy, he tucked the journal under his arm and left the room without a second glance, leaving behind an extremely confused Wes.

GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE

'Why wouldn't he just leave me alone?' Kurt thought angrily, storming down the hall. First, he had made his life miserable, and now he was invading his privacy? What god awful thing had he done to make the older boy so mad at him? It just wasn't fair.

"Kurt!" the boy turned around to see Blaine running towards him, a large grin on his face. Kurt had yet to figure the soloist out. At times, he seemed to share the same opinion that Wes had of him, but other times he actually seemed really nice.

"Hey!" Blaine said cheerfully, smiling widely. Kurt gave him a nod and continued walking, the other following behind, standing a bit too close for his liking, but every time he tried to move away, Blaine would simply move closer. They walked in silence, the grin from the boy's face unwavering as the other was beginning to feel rather uncomfortable.

Kurt didn't know what to do, and honestly, he didn't even know where he was headed when he stormed out. He just wanted Blaine to leave him alone. Or at least stop smiling. Or walking too close. Just to name a few things.

"So I was wondering," Blaine said suddenly, drawing Kurt's attention so that his eyes were focused on the shorter boy, "would you, um, er…" at first, the sentence had started out confidently, but as soon as Kurt's eyes were on him, he had petered off into awkward silence. After a minute of awkward staring, Kurt started to walk away again, not wanting to deal with the strange boy.

"Wait!" Blaine cried, circling his hand around Kurt's wrist. The boy looked at him with weary eyes, wanting to be left alone, but the boy was persistent. "Would you be willing to, um, go out sometime?" he said, flashing Kurt a brilliant hopeful smile. Kurt simply blinked, not expecting the question, but gave the boy a quick shake of his head before heading off.

"Great, I'll- wait, was that a shake for no?" he could hear Blaine yell from down the hall.

GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE

Kurt went back to his dorm, wondering if Wes would try to confront him about the journal, which was still tucked away in his blazer. He opened the door to see him on his laptop, sitting cross-legged on his bed, not even looking up to see who had come into the room. Kurt was perfectly fine with being ignored, it was better than being ridiculed.

He placed his journal back into his drawer, this time locking it. After taking a shower, he changed into his pajamas and combed his hair. Walking out, he found Wes reading, glasses perched on his nose and the lamp next to his desk on, the rest of the room dark. He climbed into his own bed, closing his eyes and let sleep take over him.

Wes glanced over at the younger boy, feeling his heart clench when he saw how peaceful he looked, radically contrasting the way he looked awake; wary, cold, and distant. All because of him. He turned off the light and drifted off into peaceful slumber…..

"No, please, don't." Wes awoke to hear Kurt whimpering in his sleep. He looked over to see a Kurt's figure tossing and turning, obviously having a nightmare. The voice he heard was so…. Vulnerable, it broke his heart.

He quietly went over to the other boy's bed, not entirely sure of what to do. "God, please, don't do this," he gasped, quaking under the blankets, tears leaking from his closed eyes.

"Kurt? Kurt, it's me, Wes," the older boy tried to wake Kurt up, taking a firm grip on his shoulders and giving him a firm shake.

"No!" Kurt yelled, eyes snapping open, chest heaving with his heavy breathing. Wes was looming over him, eyes filled with concern and worry. "Kurt? Are you okay?"

He nodded, swallowing as he averted his eyes, retreating from Wes's hands. "I'm sorry if I woke you," he said softly. He took in Kurt's appearance which was slightly flushed, his hands clutching the blankets so hard it turned his knuckles white. Frowning, he touched the boys hand and realized his was trembling.

"You don't have to apologize," Wes said, crawling next to Kurt, who tensed slightly when the Asian boy put his arm around his shoulders. "Is this about the…. Guy in your journal?"

Kurt swallowed, nodding ever so slightly, a tear trailing down his cheek. Wes brushed it away, reveling at how soft Kurt's skin was. "I haven't had a dream like that in months," he confessed, subconsciously grabbing Wes's shirt as he tentatively scooted closer to the older boy's pleasure. The two sat in comfortable silence, before Kurt spoke up again. "Why are you being nice to me? Is it because of what you read?"

He avoided the question, asking another on instead. "Do you really hate me that much?" Kurt tensed, seeming to pull away, but Wes caught him. "Don't." The boy looked at him before pulling his journal from the drawer and flicking on the light. He opened it to the entry and let Wes read the rest of it.

_I hate how much I love him_

Wes felt like he couldn't breath. He looked to Kurt in shock, who just averted his gaze. "I wish I could hate you. It would have made it so much easier for me, but I guess it just doesn't work that way. You made my life here miserable, but I still couldn't stop myself from falling in love with you," se sniffed, tears falling down his face.

"Kurt, I-"

"I know you don't exactly return my sentiments, so can we just forget this ev- mmpphh!" he was cut off as Wes grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss, their lips colliding in a way that sent butterflies to their stomachs. Kurt responded eagerly, wrapping his arms around Wes's neck, the latter bringing his hands down to Kurt's waist. They pulled away, their breathing heavy.

"I'm so sorry I ever made you feel that way," Wes said, stroking Kurt's cheek, brushing away another tear, "why are you crying?"

"Because we could have done this so much sooner if you weren't such a jerk!" he said, a choked laugh following it.

"Well, I guess we have to make up for lost time."


End file.
